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News and Updates
News & Updates
10 Oct 2024
Pregnancy and Infant Loss Support Services
Here’s a list of some support services for parents, friends, and relatives who are affected by pregnancy loss, stillbirth, or the death of a baby.
Pregnancy and Infant Loss Support Services
Australian Doula College
10 Oct 2024
Here’s a list of some support services for parents, friends, and relatives who are affected by pregnancy loss, stillbirth, or the death of a baby.
Here’s a list of some support services for parents, friends, and relatives who are affected by pregnancy loss, stillbirth, or the death of a baby. There are so many wonderful organisations and support services out there and knowing where to go whether you yourself have lost a pregnancy or baby, or you want to support someone you know who is navigating this kind of loss and grief experience.
SANDS Australia (Miscarriage, Stillbirth, and Newborn Death Support)
SANDS Australia offers emotional support and information for parents and families affected by the loss of a baby during pregnancy or shortly after birth. Their services include telephone support, online forums, and support groups available 24/7. You can visit their website at www.sands.org.au or contact their helpline at 1300 072 637.
Red Nose Grief and Loss
Red Nose Grief and Loss provides free counselling, resources, and information for those affected by the sudden loss of a baby, including stillbirth and SIDS (Sudden Infant Death Syndrome). They offer support through their website at www.rednosegriefandloss.com.au or via their helpline at 1300 308 307.
Bears of Hope
Bears of Hope supports parents and families grieving pregnancy and infant loss, offering services such as support groups, online forums, counselling, and events like ‘Walk to Remember’ and ‘Candle Lighting Ceremonies’. More information can be found at www.bearsofhope.org.au or by calling 1300 11 HOPE (1300 11 4673).
Pink Elephants Support Network
The Pink Elephants Support Network provides peer support, information, and resources for those who experience miscarriage and early pregnancy loss. They also offer support for family and friends. You can access their services at www.pinkelephants.org.au.
The Stillbirth Foundation Australia
The Stillbirth Foundation aims to reduce the incidence of stillbirth through research, advocacy, and education. They provide information and resources for bereaved families and offer guidance on how to support someone who has experienced a stillbirth. Visit their website at www.stillbirthfoundation.org.au for more details.
Heartfelt
Heartfelt is a volunteer organisation that offers free professional photographic services to families who have experienced stillbirth, premature birth, or have critically ill children. Their services are available online at www.heartfelt.org.au.
Australian Breastfeeding Association – Lactation Support After Loss
The Australian Breastfeeding Association provides support to mothers on lactation after pregnancy loss, stillbirth, or infant death. This includes managing milk supply and coping with the emotional aspects of breastfeeding after a loss. You can find support through their website at www.breastfeeding.asn.au or contact them via their helpline at 1800 686 268.
State-Based and Local Support Services
Precious Wings (Queensland)
Precious Wings offers memory boxes and bereavement support for families who have experienced pregnancy loss, stillbirth, or neonatal death. They also organise community events and workshops. More information is available at www.preciouswings.org.
The Compassionate Friends (Victoria)
The Compassionate Friends supports those grieving the loss of a child, including through stillbirth and neonatal death. They provide peer support groups, both in-person and online. Visit their website at www.compassionatefriendsvictoria.org.au or contact them on 03 9888 4944 / 1300 064 068.
H.A.N.D. – Helping After Neonatal Death (NSW)
H.A.N.D. offers peer support, information, and resources for parents and families who have experienced the death of a baby before, during, or shortly after birth. More information can be found at www.hand.org.au.
Pregnancy Loss Australia
Pregnancy Loss Australia offers emotional support, memorial services, and resources for parents and families affected by pregnancy loss and stillbirth. Their services can be accessed online at www.pregnancylossaustralia.org.au or by calling their helpline at 1300 072 637.
Small Miracles Foundation (NSW)
The Small Miracles Foundation provides grief counselling, support groups, and resources for parents experiencing miscarriage, stillbirth, or neonatal death. Visit their website at www.smallmiraclesfoundation.org.
Online and Peer Support
Bears of Hope Facebook Support Groups
Bears of Hope runs online peer support groups tailored to different types of loss (miscarriage, stillbirth, neonatal death) and grief stages. These groups allow parents to connect with others who have experienced similar losses. Learn more on their website at www.bearsofhope.org.au.
SANDS Online Support Groups
SANDS offers regular online support meetings and forums where parents and families can connect with others who have experienced pregnancy loss or the death of a baby. More information is available at www.sands.org.au.
Pink Elephants Virtual Peer Support
Pink Elephants provides virtual peer support through trained volunteers who have personally experienced miscarriage or pregnancy loss. They also offer online forums to connect with others. Their services can be accessed at www.pinkelephants.org.au.
Resources for Friends and Relatives
SANDS Australia – Supporting OthersSANDS offers resources for friends and relatives on how to support grieving parents. They provide practical advice on what to say, what to avoid, and how to be there for those affected by loss. Visit www.sands.org.au/supporting-others for more information.
Red Nose – Supporting Someone Who’s GrievingRed Nose offers guidance on how to support a loved one who has experienced the death of a baby. Their resources cover understanding grief and offering practical and emotional support. More details are available at www.rednosegriefandloss.com.au.
Pink Elephants – Supporting a Loved OnePink Elephants provides resources for friends, family, and colleagues to help them offer compassionate support to someone experiencing pregnancy loss. Their advice and tips can be found at www.pinkelephants.org.au/supportingothers.
Hospital and Community-Based Services
Many hospitals across Australia have bereavement support services and social workers who are trained to assist families through pregnancy and infant loss. You can speak to your local maternity hospital or healthcare provider for more details on the services available in your area.
These online services and resources provide emotional, practical, and peer support to help grieving parents, family members, and friends navigate the painful journey of pregnancy loss, stillbirth, or infant death.
23 Aug 2024
Pandanus Mat Blog / Watch the DJAKAMIRR Documentary
Watch DJAKAMIRR 3 ways
Pandanus Mat Blog / Watch the DJAKAMIRR Documentary
Australian Doula College
23 Aug 2024
Watch DJAKAMIRR 3 ways
DJÄKAMIRR is more than just a film; it’s a profound journey into the reclamation of Yolŋu birthing culture, and now you can stream it personally, for a fundraiser or purchase an education licence. Watch it again or for the first time.
Let's continue to support and share the rich stories and cultural wisdom of Yolŋu birthing practices with the world.
All of the details can be found in the new blog Pandanus Mat Fringe here: International & Australian online streaming options for DJÄKAMIRR (pandanusmatfringe.com)
8 Aug 2024
Dying to Know Day 2024
Talking about death isn't taboo, it's a must.
Dying to Know Day 2024
Australian Doula College
8 Aug 2024
Talking about death isn't taboo, it's a must.
As doulas, we understand the profound impact death has on all our lives, whether it's through the loss of loved ones or contemplating our own mortality. In alignment with this understanding, each year we draw our attention and presence to Dying to Know Day.
The aim of the campaign that runs throughout the year and culminates on the 8th of August is to help all Australians feel supported and inspired by their own wishes for their final arrangements, and to challenge the notion that end-of-life planning must be a solitary endeavour. We believe that breaking the stigma and sense of awkwardness surrounding conversations about death, dying, and grief is essential.
Death and dying is certainly a topic many try to avoid. It’s that one thing we’re all guaranteed, but for the most part no one wants to talk about. But here’s the thing: talking about it is actually super important. Why?
When you talk about your end of life wishes, you’re taking control. You’re making sure that when the time comes, your final arrangements reflect what you want. It’s about having your values respected, and that’s pretty powerful. Plus, if you don’t tell people what you want, they’ll have to guess. Make your preferences known now so that your family isn’t left making gut-wrenching decisions without a clue of what you’d have wanted.
Death can feel scary, but talking about it makes it less so. Once you know what to expect, know more, understand more about it and how we feel about it, we can make it a whole lot less frightening. There are a ton of options when it comes to end of life care. By discussing them, you’re getting informed. This means you can make choices that align with your values and ensure a goodbye that is unique to you.
Having the death talk can actually bring you closer to your loved ones. It’s about open communication and honesty. You’ll be surprised how much these deep conversations can foster connection and support. The more we talk about death, the more we normalise it. This leads to a community that’s better equipped to handle it, with more resources, better care, and a whole lot more compassion.
Talking about death and dying isn’t just some morbid obsession—it’s a necessary conversation that empowers us, reduces our fears, strengthens our relationships, and ensures we get the end of life experience we deserve. Let’s break the silence and start the conversation.
1 Aug 2024
Let's Talk About Death Baby!
Dying to Know Day In Person Death Cafe - 8th August at 12:30pm
Australian Doula College
1 Aug 2024
Dying to Know Day In Person Death Cafe - 8th August at 12:30pm
Hello there, brave soul.
Are you ready to chat about the one thing that makes most of the world a little (or a lot!) nervous? That's right, we're talking about death. No need to yell "Yikes!" and run for the hills, we are here to introduce you to a place where talking about the great beyond isn't all doom and gloom.
We would love to welcome you to our in person Death Café, where we'll serve up tea, snacks, and conversations about life's final transition.
Dying to Know Day Death Cafe
FREE TO REGISTER
Thursday 8th August at 12:30pm
Level 1, 61-65 Shepherd Street, Marrickville, NSW, 2204
So, what's a Death Café?
Imagine a comfortable, cosy space where the ambiance and the people are warm, the snacks are a delight, and the conversations are...well, perhaps at times a tad morbid but refreshingly honest. A Death Café is a gathering where people (like you and me) come together to chat about death in a relaxed, friendly setting.
It's not a support group or a therapy session, though you may very well walk away feeling supported and held. Think of it as a book club, but instead of discussing the latest bestseller, we dive into the ultimate spoiler: the end of life.
Why talk about death?
Great question!
Here are a few reasons why a Death Café is worth your time:
Shake the Taboo: Talking about death can help reduce the fear and stigma around it.
Live Fully: Reflecting on mortality can inspire us to live more meaningful and fulfilling lives.
Community Connection: It's a space to share thoughts, experiences, and even a few laughs with others who are just as curious (or freaked out) about death as you are.
What to expect
A Welcoming Environment: No Grim Reapers here! Just friendly faces ready to engage in deep, thoughtful discussions.
No Agendas: There’s no set plan or presentation, though we have some things up our sleeves to get the conversation flowing. Once everyone is feeling settled we allow conversations flow organically, driven by the participants' curiosity and experiences.
No Judgement: No expectations or judgements on who you are, where you are at or what you bring of yourself to the space. Open minds and open hearts are mandatory.
At the end of the day (and at the end of life perhaps!)
Our Death Café isn’t about being morbid or depressing. It’s about creating a space where we can openly discuss something we all experience but rarely talk about. It’s heartfelt, at times humorous, and it’s a step towards understanding and accepting the most natural part of life.
So join Liz and Kylee, next Thursday 8th August at 12:30pm at Level 1, 61-65 Shepherd Street, Marrickville, NSW, 2204 for our Dying to Know Day Death Cafe.
FREE TO REGISTER
Let's talk about death, baby! 🧁☕💀
https://www.australiandoulacollege.com.au/booknow
23 July 2024
Yothu Basket Initiative: Seeking Collapsible Baby Bath donations
Each year we run our Yothu Basket Initiative to supply basic newborn baby and new mother care products to Yolgnu mothers who do not have access too or cannot afford what most of us take for granted. We aim to supply 50 baskets a year to Galiwin’ku, as this is the average birth rate per year in that community.
Australian Doula College
23 July 2024
Each year we run our Yothu Basket Initiative to supply basic newborn baby and new mother care products to Yolgnu mothers who do not have access too or cannot afford what most of us take for granted. We aim to supply 50 baskets a year to Galiwin’ku, as this is the average birth rate per year in that community.
Each year we run our Yothu Basket Initiative to supply basic newborn baby and new mother care products to Yolgnu mothers who do not have access too or cannot afford what most of us take for granted. We aim to supply 50 baskets a year to Galiwin’ku, as this is the average birth rate per year in that community.
Yothu is the Yolgnu word for baby. Yolngu (or Yolŋu) are Australian First Nations people who live in north-eastern Arnhem Land of Australia. Yolngu means “person” in the regions Yolŋu Matha languages. Yolngu culture is among the oldest living cultures on earth, stretching back more than 60,000 years.
We have welcomed and provided many wonderful donations, however, it has recently been discovered on a recent trip to the community that we need to add baby baths to the baskets. Sending packages up to Galiwin’ku presents some logistical challenges so being able to send collapsible and lightweight baths will ensure we are able to get the packages there.
Here is an example of the type of baby bath which we are seeking: Collapsible Bath - Kmart
You can donate by ordering and having a bath delivered straight to our office in Sydney Level 1, 61-65 Shepherd Street, Marrickville, NSW, 2204 or drop it off to our Sydney office in person.
Once we have collected 30 collapsible baths we will then ship these to Galiwin’ku, where they will be gratefully received by local mothers and families.
We are asking for bath donations to be at the College by August 23rd.
We sincerely thank everyone who has contributed in so many ways over the years as we continue to make this annual project possible each and every year. We see the difference it makes on the ground as we are there.
If you have any questions or think you can contribute in other ways, please reach out to renee@australiandoulacollege.com.au
21 June 2024
EOFY Offers
With the end of financial year literally around the corner we come to you with some exciting end of year offers. These offers make our training all the more accessible through these limited opportunities – you won’t want to miss out!
Australian Doula College
21 June 2024
With the end of financial year literally around the corner we come to you with some exciting end of year offers. These offers make our training all the more accessible through these limited opportunities – you won’t want to miss out!
EOFY Offers
21st June 2024 - 12th July 2024
With the end of financial year literally around the corner we come to you with some exciting end of year offers. These offers make our training all the more accessible through these limited opportunities – you won’t want to miss out!
We have three offers which end on 12th July 2024:
Study to become a Full Spectrum Doula – dual enrolment in both Birth and Postpartum and End of Life Doula modalities for $4,400*
2 for 1, Study with a Friend - Two enrolments for the cost of one enrolment when you sign up with a friend to the same course*
25% off storewide in the online shop
Serving Australia, New Zealand, and beyond, we offer comprehensive training for those looking to embark on a rewarding journey as a doula.
Whether you are drawn to supporting individuals at the beginning or end of life, or somewhere in between, our courses provide the essential foundation needed for this profound work.
Download our training information booklet or contact us to learn more about our courses and how you can take advantage of these special offers.
*The Full Spectrum Training and 2 for 1 Study with a friend offer are for NAT Units Only Birth and Postpartum training and the End of Life Doula training not the 11123NAT Certificate IV in Doula Support Services
*The Full Spectrum Training offer is for the cost of the course and does not include the administration fee
Dual Birth and Postpartum + End of Life Doula Training only $4,400
Become a full spectrum doula, serving people from the first to last breath, by enrolling into both Birth and Postpartum and End of Life modalities.
Embrace the full spectrum of life's most profound transitions, guiding individuals through the miraculous journey of birth and providing compassionate support during the poignant moments of life's end.
As a full spectrum doula you will be uniquely equipped from the beginning of your doula career to support people in some life's most important transitions.
Offer valid 21st June 2024 - 12th July 2024
*The Full Spectrum Training and 2 for 1 Study with a friend offer are for NAT Units Only Birth and Postpartum training and the End of Life Doula training not the 11123NAT Certificate IV in Doula Support Services
*The Full Spectrum Training offer is for the cost of the enrolment and does not include the administration fee
Enrol with a friend into the same course and get two enrolments for the cost of one!
For a limited time, you and a friend can embark on this meaningful journey together with our exclusive two-for-one offer. Yes, half price!
Enrol with a friend and save the entire cost of one enrolment! This is the perfect opportunity to start your doula career with a solid foundation, supported by a community dedicated to compassion and care.
Our courses are designed to equip you with the knowledge, skills, and confidence to support individuals and families during birth, postpartum, or end-of-life transitions.
We believe that every doula's journey is unique and honoured, and we are here to support you every step of the way.
Offer valid 21st June 2024 - 12th July 2024
*The Full Spectrum Training and 2 for 1 Study with a friend offer are for NAT Units Only Birth and Postpartum training and the End of Life Doula training not the 11123NAT Certificate IV in Doula Support Services
25% off items storewide
Celebrate the end of the year with incredible savings on all your essential doula items from our online shop!
Stock up now and save on these must-haves:
✨ Doula Bag: $37.50
✨ Thumb Ease: $10.13
✨ Relaxing into Labour Oil Blend: $26.25
✨ Rebozo: $48.75
✨ Candles: $9
✨ Notebook: $8.25
✨ Socks: $11.25
✨ Denim Apron: $52.50
✨ Uplifting Tool Spray: $26.25
✨ Belly Mugs: $15
✨ Tea Towel: $11.25
✨ Let’s Doula This Tee: $18.75
Don't miss out on these fantastic deals!
Shop now and treat yourself or a loved one to these amazing products. Hurry, stock is limited so be sure to grab these beautiful items at a ridiculously good price! 🛍️✨
Offer valid 21st June 2024 - 12th July 2024
Discounts automatically applied at the checkout
8 May 2024
Magic May Offers
We're feeling generous of spirit as we head into the chillier months of 2024 and INTERNATIONAL DOULA MONTH so we're bringing a massive bunch of magical offers to the community.
Australian Doula College
8 May 2024
We're feeling generous of spirit as we head into the chillier months of 2024 and INTERNATIONAL DOULA MONTH so we're bringing a massive bunch of magical offers to the community.
We're feeling generous of spirit as we head into the chillier months of 2024 and INTERNATIONAL DOULA MONTH so we're bringing a massive bunch of magical offers to the community.
Sign up for any of our courses between the 8th - 31st of May and have your $150 payment plan admin fee waived and receive your textbooks for FREE!
Sign up for a the Full 11123NAT Certificate IV in Doula Support Services between the 8th - 31st of May and get $500 off the course investment!
15% off storewide from the 8th to the 31st of May
Win a free 1-2 day hire of our workshop or office space in July or August
Offer #1 - FREE books and Payment Plan Admin fee when you register for our courses
Sign up for any of our courses between the 8th - 31st of May and have your $150 payment plan admin fee waived and receive your textbooks for FREE!
The Australian Doula College offers Birth & Postpartum and End Of Life modalities across Australia, New Zealand and worldwide. If you have been thinking about becoming a doula or are feeling the call to explore the work in this space, we would love to talk to you and ultimately it's our honour to share each and every person's doula journey.
Whether you are wanting to provide support and education at the first or last breath or for someone in between, our courses will help you create a solid foundation on which to begin your work as a Doula.
*FREE Books offer is only applicable for Australian Residents. $150 Payment plan admin fee discount not applicable to up front payments.
COUPON CODE: MAGIC150
Offer valid 8th May - 31st May
Join one of our upcoming courses, see the dates below.
Birth and Postpartum - Upcoming start dates
14th May - CORRESPONDENCE
12th June - VIRTUAL
12th July - BRIS FACE TO FACE
13th August - CORRESPONDENCE
13th September - MELB FACE TO FACE
11th October - SYD FACE TO FACE
Students are registering for 11123NAT Certificate IV in Doula Support Services Enterprise/NAT Units only
End of Life - Upcoming start dates
28th May
27th August
26th November
End of Life course delivery is 100% online with one Virtual Contact Class and supported by our End of Life educator team.
Offer #2 - $500 off Full 11123NAT Certificate IV in Doula Support Services
Sign up for a the Full 11123NAT Certificate IV in Doula Support Services between the 8th - 31st of May and get $500 off the course investment!
We offer accredited doula training in Australia in partnership with the Professional Development Centre trading as Australian College of Disability and Community Services (ACDCS) {RTO 41475}. Our training programs are offered regularly in a variety of settings across the country as well as online. This means no matter where you are, you can access our training.
Our doulas get the absolute best start to their doula career and we continue to support them to create a sustainable business that sees them serving others, across the landscape of life, for years to come. We believe that it is essential to understand your own vulnerabilities, strengths and fears in order to be able to assist others though their journeys. This is an intricate part of our trainings.
COUPON CODE: MAGIC500
Offer valid 8th May - 31st May
Offer #3 - 15% off items storewide
15% off storewide on all items from the 9am on 8th May until 11:59pm on the 31st of May.
DISCOUNT AUTOMATICALLY ADDED AT CHECKOUT
Excludes course fees*
Offer #4 - WIN FREE ROOM HIRE
WIN A FREE FULL DAY HIRE of our workshop or office space in July or August (up to two Full Days) to the first two people to register their interest!
We have onsite parking available and can accommodate bookings for groups in the Workshop Room and also have an office space suitable for health practitioners, therapists, counsellors and doulas.
Located at Level 1, 61-65 Shepherd Street, Marrickville, NSW, 2204
Offer valid 8th May - 31st May
1 Apr 2024
April is Caesarean Awareness Month
April is Caesarean Awareness Month, over the course of the month you’ve likely seen many posts and stats shared.
Australian Doula College
1 Apr 2024
April is Caesarean Awareness Month, over the course of the month you’ve likely seen many posts and stats shared.
April is Caesarean Awareness Month, over the course of the month you’ve likely seen many posts and stats shared. This is the focus of this month – to learn more about caesareans, to reduce unnecessary caesareans, improve the experience of them and to advocate for vaginal birth after caesarean.Over 35% of babies are born by caesarean in Australia, a statistic that is on the rise. Since 1985, the World Health Organisation (WHO) has considered the ideal rate for caesareans to be between 10-15% and in 2015 WHO strengthened this statement to say that “When the rate goes above 10%, there is no evidence that mortality rates improve” (WHO 2015).
Recovering from caesarean is a big ask on the body
Caesarean birth includes incisions through 7 layers, it’s a huge undertaking and so too is the healing from it. When you have the chance to plan ahead, get lots of support in place wherever you can, so you can focus on yourself and baby. REST, REST and REST some more; giving your body the space and time it needs to heal is essential. Lounge around and wear comfortable clothes that are kind to your scar; including compression options. Eat well, easily digestible and warming foods. Ask for help, don’t ignore your pain and when the scar has healed massage is a beautiful way to connect, heal and reduce any scar tissue and tension.
A caesarean birth is not always a negative experience
A woman or person’s experience of their caesarean birth is one that is so unique and personal to their story, values, hopes and intentions. Ranging from empowered and blissful to scary and traumatising. When someone is sharing their story with you, the greatest gift you can give them is to truly listen, not to fix but just to hear them, with where they are at and validate their feelings. How a person feels about their birth matters and there is a lot of support out there.
Just because you have a caesarean doesn’t mean your birth intentions and plan go out the window
Your birth plan, intentions or map still matters even when things change. Many people even create caesarean pathway plans so that they have considered what it would look like if their ideal birth pathway deviates from the path. Gentle caesareans are becoming more well known and talked about; we are seeing more conversations with care providers about what ways a person can incorporate their ideal birth wishes into the theatre environment. Here in this video you can see a very gentle birth of a baby from their mother’s belly.Sending love to all the mothers who birthed their baby through their belly and all the babies that came earthside by belly birth. Holding you in your unique story with love and compassion, whether your story is one of joy or pain, or perhaps a mixture of both.
Art by Catie Atkinson - Spirt Y Sol
25 Mar 2024
Say Their Name Everyday
say their name today
say their name tomorrow
say their name everyday
Australian Doula College
25 Mar 2024
say their name today
say their name tomorrow
say their name everyday
The loss of a child is one of the most devastating experiences any parent can endure. Yet, the grief surrounding stillbirth—the loss of a baby at any stage of pregnancy before or during birth—is often compounded by the silence and the lack of acknowledgment.
Acknowledging stillborn children and the pain their families endure is not only essential for the healing process but also for breaking the stigma surrounding this heart-breaking reality.
So here at the Australian Doula College, we say their name today, tomorrow and everyday. Because Say Their Name Day is EVERYDAY.
Losing a baby or child has a profound impact on parents and families. The dreams, hopes, and expectations for the future are shattered with this loss. Acknowledging this loss validates the parents' grief and affirms the significance of their child's existence, no matter how brief.
One way to acknowledge stillborn children is by openly discussing their lives and the impact they had on their families. Sharing memories, stories, and acknowledging important milestones such as due dates and anniversaries can help keep their memory alive and provide solace to grieving parents.
Simple gestures like using the child's name and acknowledging their place within the family can be incredibly meaningful.
Creating memory boxes filled with mementos such as ultrasound images, footprints, or locks of hair can provide a tangible connection to their child. Additionally, memorial services or rituals tailored to honour children can provide a sense of closure and acknowledgment for families.
Access to grief counselling, support groups, and resources specific to stillbirth can help individuals navigate the complex emotions associated with their loss. Healthcare professionals play a crucial role in supporting grieving parents and providing compassionate care.
Breaking the silence surrounding stillbirth is essential for raising awareness and reducing stigma. By acknowledging stillborn children openly, society can foster a culture of empathy and support for grieving parents. This acknowledgment validates the profound impact of stillbirth and underscores the importance of supporting families through their grief journey.
By openly discussing stillbirth, remembering the lives of these precious children, and providing support to grieving families, we can honour their memory and hold those who have lost in our hearts and in our arms.
Head here for a list of support services: https://stillbirthfoundation.org.au/help-and-support/stillbirth-support-services/
IMAGE VIA ABC NEWS / You can read the full text article here https://www.abc.net.au/everyday/how-to-support-parents-of-stillborn-children/11610972
19 Mar 2024
Graduates can now upgrade to accredited training
The transition to our new RTO is now complete and all of our Birth and Post Natal Doula training is once again accredited and a nationally recognised qualification that you can acquire!
Australian Doula College
19 Mar 2024
The transition to our new RTO is now complete and all of our Birth and Post Natal Doula training is once again accredited and a nationally recognised qualification that you can acquire!
The transition to our new RTO is now complete and all of our Birth and Post Natal Doula training is once again accredited and a nationally recognised qualification that you can acquire!
The Australian Doula College is partnered with the Professional Development Centre [RTO 41475] to deliver the 11123NAT Certificate IV in Doula Support Services.
You have a unique opportunity to upgrade to the accredited training by sitting the Unit Assessments and submitting evidence in a newly created CANVAS course, bridging the gap between your previous ADC training and the new accredited training. You will not have to do the course again!
If you would like to upgrade again to the full 11123NAT Certificate IV in Doula Support Services course at that time, you may do so.
Click here for the Training Information Booklet or contact Kylee for more information.
If you would like to proceed with the upgrade, reach out to studentadmin@australiandoulacollege.com.au.
9 Mar 2024
ARTICLE: Doulas on rise in regional areas as maternity services close down and women seek continuity of care
With regional maternity wards closing across the country and a parliamentary inquiry into birth trauma underway, doulas are rising in popularity as a source of emotional support for women during pregnancy and birth.
ABC Eyre Peninsula / By Amelia Costigan
9 Mar 2024
With regional maternity wards closing across the country and a parliamentary inquiry into birth trauma underway, doulas are rising in popularity as a source of emotional support for women during pregnancy and birth.
With regional maternity wards closing across the country and a parliamentary inquiry into birth trauma underway, doulas are rising in popularity as a source of emotional support for women during pregnancy and birth.
Doulas are non-medical support people who offer educational, physical and emotional guidance before, during and after the birth of a child.
They have no clinical training, cannot deliver babies or provide the necessary post-birth medical care — but they can advocate for women and help them to feel empowered during their pregnancy journey.
Research has shown doula care for women during labour and birth is associated with reduced caesarean births, increased breastfeeding initiation and retention, and positive birth experiences.
Australian College of Doulas director Renee Adair said she had seen an increase in the popularity of doulas over the past 10 years, as women expressed dissatisfaction with the maternal healthcare system.
READ THE ENTIRE ARTICLE HERE: https://www.abc.net.au/news/2024-03-09/doulas-rising-in-popularity-regional-australia-women-birth-sa/103554194
21 Feb 2024
Djäkamirr: Exploring principles used in piloting the training of First Nations doulas ...
"There is growing evidence in First Nations doula care as a strategy to address perinatal inequities and improve maternal care experiences. However, there is no evidence around the approach and principals required to successfully deliver First Nations doula (childbirth) training."
Australian Doula College
21 Feb 2024
"There is growing evidence in First Nations doula care as a strategy to address perinatal inequities and improve maternal care experiences. However, there is no evidence around the approach and principals required to successfully deliver First Nations doula (childbirth) training."
Sarah Ireland, Dorothy Yuŋgirrŋa Bukulatjpi , Evelyn Djotja Bukulatjpi , Rosemary Gundjarraŋbuy , Renee Adair, Yvette Roe, Suzanne Moore, Sue Kildea, Elaine Ḻäwurrpa Maypilama explore and describe the approach and principles used in piloting the training of First Nations doulas in remote, multilingual Northern Australian community settings.
In the vast and remote Northern Territory of Australia, First Nations women and babies face significant challenges in accessing perinatal healthcare services. With limited access to comprehensive reproductive health services and childbirth facilities located in only four regional hospitals, women from remote communities often endure lengthy journeys to give birth, sometimes alone, without the presence of their partners or family members. This practice not only exacerbates existing social, economic, and health inequities but also leads to profound sociocultural disconnection and distress.
In response to this urgent need for reform, a groundbreaking research project called Caring for Mum on Country was initiated. The project aimed to empower First Nations women from the Yolŋu community in Northern Australia to provide continuity of care for women from their own remote communities during pregnancy and childbirth. Central to this project was the introduction of a culturally sensitive and community-led approach to maternity care, involving the training of First Nations women as doulas, or as they are known in the Yolŋu Matha Djambarrpuyŋu language, djäkamirr – meaning 'caretaker'.
The research setting for this project is a remote island community in North East Arnhem Land, where access to maternity care is limited, and preterm birth rates are alarmingly high. Despite strong Yolŋu identity and language within the community, healthcare services often fail to respond to the cultural diversity and linguistic needs of the population. English, the minority language spoken by a small percentage of the community, remains the primary language of communication in most medical settings, further alienating many Yolŋu individuals from accessing skilled employment opportunities.
Over a four-year period, the research team adopted a decolonising participatory action research (D-PAR) approach, prioritizing relational responsiveness and collaboration with the Yolŋu community. The djäkamirr training curriculum was developed based on formative data collected from Yolŋu perspectives and experiences around pregnancy and childbirth. The training sessions were delivered using a developmental approach, with constant feedback and adaptation to meet the needs of the participants.
The Caring for Mum on Country project represents a significant step towards empowering First Nations women to take control of their reproductive health and childbirth experiences. By providing culturally sensitive maternity care led by trained First Nations doulas, the project aims to reduce perinatal inequities and strengthen community-led maternity health services planning. This innovative approach not only acknowledges and values First Nations knowledge and practices but also challenges existing colonial structures within the healthcare system. As the project continues to evolve, it holds promise for improving perinatal outcomes and fostering resilience within First Nations communities across Australia.
READ THE ARTICLE: https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S1871519223003189
15 Dec 2023
Is 2024 the year you chase your doula dreams?
Training dates for 2024 are now available and registrations are open.
Australian Doula College
15 Dec 2023
Training dates for 2024 are now available and registrations are open.
We are thrilled to share the highly anticipated training dates for 2024 for the Australian Doula College.
We can't wait to get stuck into the new year with many opportunities for training to become a birth and postpartum or end of life doula.
Our 2024 training calendar is designed to cater to the diverse range of needs that individuals may have by offering training in person, virtually and via correspondence.
Whether you are wanting to provide support and education at the first or last breath or for someone in between, our courses will help you create a solid foundation on which to begin your work as a Doula.
Why train with us?
The Australian Doula College offers Birth & Postpartum and End Of Life modalities across Australia, New Zealand and worldwide. If you have been thinking about becoming a doula or are feeling the call to explore the work in this space, we would love to talk to you and ultimately it's our honour to share each and every person's doula journey.
We acknowledge, respect and honour our first nations culture and their voices through our actions and work.
The Australian Doula College acknowledges the Traditional Custodians of the land on which we have the honour of living and working upon. We recognise First Nations people's continuing connection to land, water and community. We pay respect to Elders past, present and emerging and commit to elevating the voices of and learning from First Nations peoples. Our vision for reconciliation is an Australia that acknowledges Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander peoples as the Traditional Custodians of this land and that First Nations people have equal care and access to culturally safe support and education through any of life’s transitions, while embracing First Nations cultures into care practices across the Country.
We live and breathe the work.
Every team member at the Australian Doula College is a doula or in the process of working towards becoming one. We know that this work is not like any other and in order to support and educate emerging and experienced doulas we need to really get it. And we do.
Holistic approach.
We believe that it is essential to understand your own vulnerabilities and fears in order to be able to assist others though theirs. This is an intricate part of our trainings. Our course includes essential foundational curriculum in the birth, postpartum and end of life spaces however it is also a personal journey for the student to grow and understand how their life experiences, values and beliefs can impact on the people and families that they will work with.
This holistic approach to the training creates students who have the ability to serve individuals and families in the way in which they need, which is unique and individual to each situation.
Small and supportive class sizes.
Our classes are kept small and intimate giving the students a safe space to share and get the most out of classes. Our courses are informative, fun and set in a relaxed atmosphere.
Flexible training options.
We know everyone learns differently, so we have a number of training options. Students can study face to face, virtually or by correspondence. Depending on your circumstances we have a delivery method that can fit in with your life and commitments.
Easy to navigate learning platform.
Our easy to navigate e-Learning platform makes it easy for you to work at your own pace with the support of your dedicated educators who will guide and support your though the training of your choice. All of the online course content is offered through CANVAS.
Experienced Educators.
All of our facilitators and educators are doulas and all hold a Cert IV in Training and Assessment. Collectively, as doulas and educators we have over 100 years experience. Our students are extremely well supported during the training, having an educator on call for them 24 hours, seven days a week.
Professional development, support and community during and after the course.
During the training, you have access to an educator 24/7, this means that we're here for you! Our team of educators and support staff are contactable via email and phone. We know that working in the doula space, caring and supporting others means that as doulas we also need support and community. The ADC offers students and graduates of the College the opportunity to become ADC Community members at an accessible investment. The community enables professional development, networking and support opportunities both virtually and in person throughout the year; and so much more.
We work in both the birth and death spaces, because there is not one without the other.
There are so many transitions that we go through in life, after all we are always transitioning from one moment to the next. However at the Australian Doula College we believe that at birth and at death are the most significant transitions that humans experience in their lives. By working and understanding in the full spectrum of these transitionary times we have a unique perspective that honours the human experience in a deeply profound way.
Get a copy of the training dates here
28 Nov 2023
2023 Scholarship Announcement
We're thrilled to announce the recipients of the Scholarships in 2023.
We're thrilled to announce the recipients of the Scholarships in 2023.
Thank you to all the applicants for this year's scholarship. We were overwhelmed with over 200 applications that were heartfelt and spoke to the passion that exists for this work in the world.
It was a pleasure for us to recently contact the recipients of the scholarships this year. Congratulations to you all.
Sarah Buck Scholarship Recipient
Tamer from WA - Enrolling into the Birth and Postnatal Doula Course in 2024
Lawurrpa Maypilma Scholarship Recipient
Nikki from SA - Enrolling into the Birth and Postnatal Doula Course in 2024
Marie Burrows Scholarship Recipient
Hayley Jade from NSW - Enrolling into the End of Life Doula Course in 2024
In 2023 the recipients were oif incredible calibre and so we offered an additional Special Mention Recipient for half the cost of to study to become a doula, which went to Paulette from New Zealand - Enrolling into the Birth and Postnatal Doula Course in 2024.
We look forward to these epic and passionate people beginning their studies with us in 2024.
You can read more about our scholarship program here: https://www.australiandoulacollege.com.au/scholarships
10 Oct 2023
What does a death doula do?
Renee spoke with Marjorie on all things end of life doula.
Renee spoke with Marjorie on all things end of life doula.
RENEE Adair is a “womb to tomb” doula. She’s also the founder and director of the Australian Doula College based in Marrickville. Some of us might know what a birth doula does – providing non-medical support and information to parents in pregnancy, childbirth and the postnatal period. But what does a death doula do?
Renee: Being an end-of-life doula is about filling the gaps, offering resources, information, kindness and compassion, but most importantly, providing continuity of care. Continuity of care is missing today in our systems, and most people will die in hospital not knowing that they have other options. Research has proven time and again that when we’re going through major life transitions, continuity of care is key for how we experience that transition and how we carry that forward, whether that’s positively or negatively, into the rest of our lives.
In Australia, we do death and birth pretty badly. There’s little to no emotional support within the systems we’re birthing and dying in. We’ve lost the experience of caring for our dying person and, as individuals, we are frightened of death. Death was handed over to funeral directors about 100 years ago. I think a medium like a doula has a really unique opportunity to bring back that compassionate community that was lost, and to give families the power and the dying person the power to die in the way that they want to, surrounded by loved ones – because that’s what we deserve, to have a better experience of dying and, for those left behind, not to walk away feeling traumatised.
READ MORE: https://southsydneyherald.com.au/what-does-a-death-doula-do/
18 Sept 2023
Sharing the work of the doula all around the globe: Catherine's story
The ADC has several international students from Europe, New Zealand, Asia and Africa. This is Catherine and she lives in Kenya.
The ADC has several international students from Europe, New Zealand, Asia and Africa. This is Catherine and she lives in Kenya.
Catherine told us she was volunteering as a developmental anthropologist when she was introduced to supporting women along their birth journey. When she joined her present workplace, she was confronted with the need to assist pregnant teens who were enrolled into their programme and she sought to do so with additional training and became a student of the ADC. Catherine is pictured rubbing the belly of a 15 yr old client in transition and with a big smile, holding a baby girl.
Her educator Jacki thoroughly enjoyed teaching Catherine and the learning she herself gained from doing so. "Catherine came to study through the Australian Doula College from Africa. This was a completely new scenario for me as an Educator and Catherine was tenacious in her requests to be allowed to gain her certificate as a Doula. Through the work which Catherine submitted, I was awarded a glimpse into the world of birth as experienced by a student Doula in rural Africa.
This was so unexpected for me as I’d heard stories, read books and had a basic idea about the conditions under which women were birthing in this country, however, the reality which Catherine wrote about so eloquently in her course work, in no way prepared me for her experiences as a student Doula. The very experience of submitting course work through an internet which, at best, was sporadic, was no challenge for Catherine. The work came in as did the stories of her experiences. It was humbling for me as an educator to read of the challenges and difficulties faced by the women of Africa when pregnant, birthing or receiving education about parenting. Catherine delivered education and support to all of her charges with humility, grace and an understanding of difficulties they may face upon returning to their homes.
It is with great pride, and education returned to me from this exemplary student, that I congratulate Catherine Karanu on her graduation from the ADC as a qualified Doula."
Upon notification of her graduation Catherine wrote: ‘Thank you ADC for having walked with me in my journey of training for the last three years, the staff members are incredible, my training was awesome”
Another example of the impact that doulas can have on the lives of women all over the world, one birth at a time.
3 Aug 2023
Dying to Know Day 2023
#GetDeadSetMyWay #DyingToKnowDay #DyingToKnowDay
Australian Doula College
3 Aug 2023
#GetDeadSetMyWay #DyingToKnowDay #DyingToKnowDay
Here pictured is a carved tree of the Wiradjuri people of what we now call New South Wales. Once stood hundreds of these trees at the burial sites of what is believed to be important men in that community. Each design specific to the person and to serve as a pathway for their spirit to return to the "sky world". The design looks to the burial site to let people know the spiritual significance of the site. These sacred trees were wrongly removed and over time many have been rightly returned to their communities as reparations seek to be made and space made for healing.
An opportunity to remember how important it is that we learn about the different ways we individually and as cultures, move through dying, death, grief and remembering. Especially of the First Nations people of the lands that we live, love and work on. Each person, with their stories and own unique life, beliefs and cultures will seek to be remembered in ways that are individual to them.
So often though, we skirt around the topic of death; and these conversations go unsaid. This can often lead to grieving loved ones trying to navigate big decisions about what they think you would want rather than knowing your wishes in advance.
Today is Dying to Know day. Whether you're in your 20s, 50s, or beyond, Dying to Know Day is an annual campaign all about YOU and your #EndOfLife choices.
Important arrangements for you to have sorted include the five documents below.
👉 Will
👉 Financial and Legal Matters
👉 Enduring Guardian
👉 Superannuation
👉 Advanced Care Plan
Some, or all, may be essential for you; this can differ from state to state. Without these documents, the government may decide for you. Take action to make your own decisions. Decisions that suit your values and wishes. Conversations around your wishes should happen now, not later when it's imminently needed. These conversations may happen with friends and family, people who are important to you, but especially those who will support you in executing your wishes. You can choose one, two or three people (or more!) to finalise your documentation. They should all have an understanding of your documents and commitment to follow through with your wishes.
There are a number of different roles for people assisting you with your wishes including: 👉 Executor
👉 Enduring Guardian
👉 Substitute decision maker
How do you want to be farewelled and remembered, planning your send off is an important part of #gettingdeadset. Decisions around with planning your funeral or other death rituals are best made without the pain of grief immediately after a death or in the lead up to a death. This is a personal and unique process, you might consider your cultural heritage, family traditions, what you want or do not want. There are so many choices to be made and financial costs to be included, so inform yourself of your options, document your decisions and ensure that those who need to make the arrangements are aware of your wishes. This can remove the stress and worry of arranging things quickly and at short notice.
Some of the choices you might want to consider:
👉 Cremation or burial or something else
👉 Your environmental footprint in death
👉 A funeral home package or something more individualised
👉 An event at home, in a park or outdoors setting (with permission) or in a place of worship
👉 A party afterwards or no fuss.
So let' start talking about death, dying and how we want the experience to be for us and how we would like to be farewelled. It's never too early or too late to start! The Dying to Know website is filled with helpful guides, toolkits, and resources to support you on your journey to 'get dead set.' Conversations with your nearest and dearest about your unique choices and wishes are essential.
Embrace the power of preparation and ensure your wishes are honoured.
https://www.dyingtoknowday.com/
Image via: https://www.anbg.gov.au/aboriginal-resources/Carved-Trees-Guide-State-Library-NSW-3449.pdf
#GetDeadSetMyWay #PersonalPlanning #EndOfLifeChoices #Empowerment #FuturePreparation
1 Aug 2023
World Breastfeeding Week 2023
Enabling breastfeeding - making a difference for working parents
Australian Doula College
1 Aug 2023
Enabling breastfeeding - making a difference for working parents
Let's take a moment to acknowledge and cherish the incredible natural process and individual journeys of breastfeeding. Breastfeeding is not just a biological process; it's a beautiful bond between a mother or birthing person and their baby, filled with innumerable benefits for both.
We have been feeding our babies in this way, forever. The beauty and wonder of breastfeeding has so lovingly been been captured in art throughout time, this piece titled 'Motherhood' by Stanisław Wyspiański, from 1905.
Why are we always banging on about how great breastfeeding is? Well here's just a few reasons..
Breast milk is nature's perfectly designed food, uniquely tailored to meet the nutritional needs of infants. It contains essential vitamins, minerals, proteins, and antibodies that help strengthen the baby's immune system. Breastfeeding fosters the connection between mother and baby. The skin to skin, eye contact, and gentle cuddling during nursing create a secure and nurturing environment for the little one.
The act of nourishing a child from their own body fosters an intimate connection unlike any other. It's not about just food! Breastfeeding stimulates the release of oxytocin, which helps the uterus contract and return to its pre-pregnancy size.
Breastfeeding has been associated with a decreased risk of breast and ovarian cancer, as well as a reduced risk of developing type 2 diabetes and cardiovascular diseases in mothers.
This year's theme is all about making breastfeeding at work, work. A supported breastfeeding journey is going to be unique to the individual however, there are some key things we can do to optimise the experience for mothers.
Attend breastfeeding classes during pregnancy to learn about breastfeeding and what to expect, and where to go when you need support. Knowledge is empowering and can help you feel more confident when your baby arrives.
The support of your partner, family members, and friends is crucial. They can provide encouragement, assist in practical ways, and offer emotional support during the initial days and weeks when breastfeeding might feel new, big or overwhelming.
Reach out to lactation consultants or breastfeeding support groups if you encounter challenges, need support or have questions.
Take care of yourself physically and emotionally. Get enough rest, eat well, and don't hesitate to ask for help when needed. Remember, a healthy and happy mother is the centre of a happy and healthy family.
Returning to work while breastfeeding can present several challenges for working mothers. But as workplaces, managers and colleagues there's so much that we can do to make breastfeeding at work, work.
Separation of the breastfeeding parent and their infant because of parental work is a massive contributing factor in someone's experience of and ability to breastfeed.
What can we do to make it work at work?
Longer paid parental leave.
Create supportive and flexible employment policies, location, schedules, environment and conditions for parents who want to continue breastfeeding and need or want to return to work.
This means, flexibility in tasks, schedules, hours and locations, spaces to feed or pump and places to store breastmilk if it's required.
Create workplace cultures that are educated, especially ensuring that people managers and leaders are aware of the needs of employees who are breastfeeding and be able to to be flexible and supportive to work with these team members to make return to work and ongoing plans that foster a positive working environment
Providing a conducive and supportive work environment can significantly contribute to the well-being of both the mother and the baby.
As we celebrate the wonders of breastfeeding, let's spread awareness and support for this remarkable journey and the ways in which we need to step up to enable working mothers to continue breastfeeding as long as they want.
Together, we can create a nurturing environment where mothers feel supported and babies thrive with the precious gift of breast milk.
2 July 2023
NAIDOC Week 2023
Theme 'For Our Elders'
Australian Doula College
2 July 2023
Theme 'For Our Elders'
Here at the ADC we want to acknowledge all the elders past and present this NAIDOC Week, and all that they have done for this land and it's peoples, we are in awe and we are grateful. We hope that we can continue to do work that gives louder voice to Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander peoples through our work in the birth and end of life spaces.
We want to take this opportunity to acknowledge that these lands have a long history that reflects the ongoing struggle for Indigenous rights and recognition.
The origins of NAIDOC (National Aborigines and Islanders Day Observance Committee) began in the late 19th century.
1938: the first Day of Mourning was held on 26th Jan, protesting the 150th anniversary of the arrival of the First Fleet and demanding equal rights for Indigenous Australians. This event marked a significant milestone in the Indigenous civil rights movement. Australia Day boycotts actually happened before the 1920's but Aboriginal rights groups noted the majority of the public remained unaware.
1939: the ‘Aborigines Progressive Association’ (APA) organised the first "Aborigines Day" to promote awareness and celebrate Aboriginal culture.
1991: the organising committee was renamed the National NAIDOC Committee, and since then, NAIDOC Week has been celebrated annually in the first full week of July.
Today, NAIDOC Week brings the community together through a series of events, including cultural performances, art exhibitions, sports competitions, and educational activities.
The 2023 theme is "For Our Elders."
The Elders hold a prominent place in the communities and families, serving as cultural knowledge holders, leaders, advocates, and nurturers. They provide guidance through advocacy, activism, and everyday life, imparting wisdom in land management, justice, and human rights.
Their struggles have driven progress and ensured the survival of their people. The strength and knowledge they possess across various sectors, a source of inspiration. Past Elders are respectfully remembered, while those who continue to fight for their communities are acknowledged and honoured.
It serves as an important platform to celebrate Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander excellence, culture and history. For Non-Indigenous folks, it emphasises the importance of listening, educating ourselves and the need for our continued participation in driving change and ongoing advocacy.
* Please note that the use of the term Aborigine, though now not used and inaccurate, is only used here in the title of the week as per the NAIDOC website to reflect historic use.
The Grief
Lucy Walsh, End of Life Doula
31 Mar 2023
One person's story of their grief after losing their husband and best friend.
How can I explain my grief? And why should I?
It’s so incredibly challenging, gut wrenching, exhausting and such hard work. It is the hardest thing I have ever had to face in my life.
Therefore, I believe being vulnerable and authentic may help another, as other’s stories have helped me and given me some hope.
I have experienced dying and death in many ways and have felt a deep sense of loss and grief with each one. From the sudden death of my father who died as a result of an accident, then my best friend and sister who both died of cancer and most recently my husband who was the love of my life for more than 21 years.
We knew that my husband would die at some point, the odds were against him with the Blood Cancer he had.
We knew right from the start that it was not curable and yet we held on to the hope that somehow, he would beat this, and he did beat the odds and lived longer than expected but somehow that doesn’t ease the pain.
Meditation, tapping, suggestions to self, he did them all and I think that is what kept him focused and living longer than what was expected by the specialist. My life partner was an amazing man.
I felt we were prepared for the dying process, because we had spoken about his death openly over the last year as though we were prepared for that too. That couldn’t be further from the truth on the day he died.
The days before my husband died, he was very weary and spent all day in our bed, sleeping most of the time, only waking for brief visits with friends or family. He was barely eating food at this point except for lemonade icy poles. All of his senses became heightened and at times I couldn’t touch him or speak. Just sitting with him silently was new for me but something I needed to learn very quickly.
I often felt either in the way or not of much use to Alex. I’m a doer, that’s how I cope. But ‘doing’ wasn’t what was needed.
On the day he died he had some discomfort during the day and seemed very anxious, so I called the nurse to check on him and he was given medication to ease his anxiety. He slept most of the day, with little communication and no food.
No way was I prepared for what was to come as the situation became critical and within the next two hours, he went from being alive to suddenly being dead.
My heart broke into a million pieces that night as the nurse pronounced him dead, as he lay motionless but looking so peaceful, the wrinkles vanishing from his face.
I was blessed to have a friend with me who willingly made the calls to the family and the funeral home while I lay with my loved one stroking his face and gently kissing him telling him I loved him over and over.
My son arrived and he too was devasted. His mentor, confidant and friend were gone. The undertakers arrived and gently explained what they needed to do. We all left the room except for my son. He wanted to honour this beautiful loving man one last time by being with him through his final moments, helping to wrap his body and carry him down the stairs and out to the waiting van.
It was pouring with rain, and he loved the rain, so it was a fitting end.
I still look at the photo I took of him when he died just to remind myself that it really happened, it wasn’t a dream.
I find comfort in knowing he didn’t suffer a long painful death and right before he died, he knew it was his time and looked up at me, mumbled some, which I like to believe was “I love you” then took his last breath.
The “disbelief” was and at times still is unbearable. Has this really happened? It can hit me at anytime, anywhere. I can feel the deep sense of loss building up in my heart as I remember he is not here anymore, never coming back, can’t hold him and can’t talk to him.
I wanted him back so much and in the first few days in my grief that is all I said as I called out to him…. “Come back babe” and the tears start now as I write this because I still want him to come back. I wondered how I was going to get through this.
I have asked myself all the normal questions whilst grieving; why did he have to die? Why him? And there are no answers. It’s just the cycle of life and we will all die one day. Definitively easier said than done.
Each person grieves differently and for me the mornings were and still are the worst. In the morning when I wake up reality slaps me in the face. I wonder around the house lost, not knowing what to do. Grief can be paralysing. Some days I could barely function. Having a shower or making the bed took all my energy. I felt /feel anxious and shaky some mornings.
For 21 years I was his friend, his confident, who am I now, without this glorious man in my life?
I was and still am lost although I am trying very hard to make plans for each week in advance, plan to do one small thing each day rather than sit at home alone. I think this is very important and made a huge difference to my sanity. Most times when I did go out, I would cry as soon I got in the car or as I opened the front door. I couldn’t get away from that deep feeling of loss no matter what I did.
Life changed so much for me and at times I couldn’t see how I would exist without the love of my life. What will life look like for me…. I have no idea! All I know is that it will never be the same and somehow someday I will find my way through the fog and into the clearing where life becomes the new normal.
Luckily for me I have good friends that have rallied around me, making regular contact checking in on me inviting me for a catch up, which I truly appreciate. In the beginning I isolated myself at home just sitting quietly with my own grief and then I realised I couldn’t do it alone and needed to reach out more to my friends.
I was honest with my friends when I felt vulnerable and cried openly when I was having a hard time. There is no point suffering in silence, pretending to the world that I was ok when clearly, I was not.
Keep the people that support you well around you. There will always be those that can’t deal with your grief and don’t know what to say. Sometimes they will make inappropriate comments or tell you to move on. Unless they have lost a spouse themselves, they have no idea what it feels like for you. “Be strong” they say…… no, you don’t have to be strong at all.
“he would want you to be happy”….. I am sure he does but right now I can’t be. “You have so many memories to hold in your heart” I get that but right now I miss him so much.
I don’t know this life now.
I am sure in time I will be and do all those things but right now I won’t put too high expectations on myself.
It may sound harsh, but you need to keep those who support you well around you and not those that don’t. You need compassion and love to get through this sad time; someone who will sit with you while you cry. You may find that the friends you thought would support you won’t and to be honest that can be tough to deal with.
I understand that some may not cope with your grief and that is ok. I hold no judgement, however I would rather they be honest with me rather than walk away from me in a time when I need them most. I have found the people you least expect to step up are the ones that do.
It is very hard to be out in the real-world watching life go by as normal when your normal is no longer. I pay more attention to people in the shopping centres rushing here and there with arms full of gifts for Christmas and it is like being in a movie, but I was standing still and the hustle and bustle is moving around me. I could only cope for a short amount of time before I would retreat into the comfort of home where I felt safe.
There are no set rules for grieving and no time frame. Yes, there are stages of grief and we all do them at different times. My advice to you would be to just go with the flow with how you feel day by day and try not to get too hung up on the stages and where you are at. It doesn’t matter.
At the 9 week mark since my husband died, and I feel as time goes by it seems to get harder. Days go into nights and the days just keep following the next. I wish I could put myself in a time capsule and fast forward twelve months just to feel more at ease within.
At the end of the day, you need to do what works for you, each day you may feel different and that’s ok. We are allowed to be sad one day, maybe angry the next and just maybe we have days where we feel lighter.
I speak to my husband every day. I tell him about the day I have had, I tell him when I am struggling and tell him I love and miss him every day. I light a candle and just sit with him. You may have other rituals that bring you comfort and that’s great.
I started writing a journal; I call them letters to you. Sometimes writing down your thoughts and feelings brings you closer to your loved one and helps you slowly heal. It is a good way to express your inner thoughts and feeling rather than bottling them up in your body that can make you unwell physically only adding to your grief.
I also spend time listening to podcasts and read books on loss and grief and the experience of others. It helps to know that I am not alone in this and that my feelings are NORMAL!
And then there were and are days I cry all day and isolate myself, don’t answer calls or messages because it is all too hard and that’s ok too. I allow myself the space to grieve how I need to without guilt.
If you find that you are not coping to the point of self-harm thoughts, please reach out to your doctor. I often wished that I could go to sleep and never wake up because the pain was so unbearable but self-harm was never an option, but I know how easily it can happen. So, watch your thinking and please know when to reach out.
This time of year is especially difficult. It’s a time when we celebrate Christmas with family and friends and it’s going to be tough…. I know that. I have pushed myself to decorate my tree even though I really couldn’t be bothered and don’t care about it, but I still have a family and it is them I celebrate. I will spend time with my sons, their partners, my niece and mother and I am grateful for that even though I know it will be a hard day. I will set a place for my husband at the table, and we will remember him with much love and there will be tears because we all miss him greatly.
As the New Year approaches, I face it with dread and no expectations while others celebrate it with excitement. I dread moving into another year without the love of my life. I feel scared, lonely and somewhat guilty that I am going to move on and live a life without him. It’s like I will forget him if I move on.
I seemed to have lost some confidence in the loss and grief. Even the simplest of things like changing a battery or charging the front doorbell becomes challenging and overwhelming. Navigating my way through bills, banking and all the jobs I didn’t take notice of and left to my husband now become my responsibility. Gosh, how dare he leave me to be responsible for myself…..
In the New Year I need to find the courage to re-create myself. What does that look like?
I trained as an End-of-Life Doula with the Australian Doula College as this was my calling, however I put it on hold so that I could focus on my husband and spend as much time with him as I could during his illness.
I know my grief is still raw and some have said “oh no you’re still grieving, wait a year” but I just can’t do that. I need to follow my heart and use what I’ve learnt in this experience to help others in need with care, empathy and compassion.
I can honour my husband with the role I play as an End-of-Life Doula, adding my newfound wisdom with what I learnt in my training to serve others facing critical illness and death as he did.
I will always grieve the loss of my love and without him there is a huge hole in my heart and life. I will in time come to terms with what has changed in my life. The life as I once knew it will never be “normal” again but in time I will learn to live around a new kind of normal and relearn myself within that.
New beginnings.
